Mothers: No Returns, No Refunds

Update: I wrote this post over 2 years ago when my mother was living with me. She has since moved back.
Reading this post breaks my heart, knowing I was at a point where I had nothing good to say about her. I saw her struggles and sacrifices growing up. She did her best as a single mother to provide for me and my brother. Although we do butt heads, she has and will always be my cheerleader.
I was so ashamed that I wrote this post that I never finished, edited nor published it. Today I’m publishing it. I need a reminder to never ever get to this point with the one person who loves me unconditionally.
As a mother myself, I can’t imagine how devastated I would be should my own children write something like this about me. I love you mom.

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I’m married, have a darling four year old son and living with my mother.

7 years ago I moved away from home to a larger and more bustling city. I needed to get away from the life I had in a smaller city where everybody was connected to you by 6 degrees of separation. Life on my own was amazing. Of course I missed my family and friends dearly but I knew that I needed to step out of my comfort zone.

Fast forward one year I had a beautiful little boy and was in the process of planning a wedding. Fast forward another two years, my mother told me she was coming out here to live with me so she can help take care of my son while I was at work. It looked at it as a great blessing. After all, other than yourself, who else would care for your own child better than the child’s grandmother?

Thankfully, my husband, very laid back and reasonable as he is, thought it was a great idea also. He and my mother get along fairly well. I on the other hand SOMETIMES wish she still lived in a different city. 2 hours away by plane. 36 hours away by car, and just a phone call away.

Reason’s why letting your mother live with you is the worst decision you’ve made:

  • She drives me crazy! She always has to give her input about everything and anything, even if the topic at hand has nothing to do with her. Not only that, she always has to have the last say, in everything.
  • She does not let me parent my own child. When I’m trying to discipline my son, she always step in and intervene because either I’m being too harsh or doing it wrong.
  • Every decision I make always always has to go through her first. Okay, maybe not every decision, but it sure feels like it especially with a mother who is nosy as mine and is always in my business.
  • She makes the smallest things so dramatic. For example, if my brother doesn’t call her for a couple of days, she’ll suddenly go into drama mode and say things like “he doesn’t care about us anymore”, “why should I call him, if he won’t call me”. Come on! Seriously? I blame it on all the Korean dramas she watches. My mother is the ultimate drama queen.
  • She thinks that without her I am incapable of living life as a regular adult. It took almost a year of convincing her not to cook for us anymore. She would make dinner every single day, and say things like “If it weren’t for me, you would go hungry!”
  • My home is not MY home. My mother has is a semi-hoarder. She loves to stock up on suger, water, toilet paper, oil and canned goods. To the point that there is not more room for these things other than the corners of our kitchen and sometimes the living room! This drives me insane because I hate clutter! I guess it all has to do with all those years living with her. To her, she doesn’t feel right if she doesn’t have 10 bags of sugar lined up in the cupboards. It’s true, she said so herself.
  • She’s a perpetual liar. I’ve come to realize my mother lies. About many things. Okay, nothing crazy but more like white lies. She’ll lie about things like what time something has to get done by, she’ll ALWAYS say 10 am when really it’s 12 pm. Nothing really wrong with that, unless you are waiting outside in the cold for two hours because you thought you would be picked up at a certain time, when really she just said it so you would be early. Really early. Not to mention the he said, she said lies. I hate those.
  • I just feel burned sometimes.
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Look Up , a spoken word film by Gary Turk

Video

“A fantastic piece of spoken word poetry on the perils of living online. According to poet Gary Turk, ‘Look Up’ is a lesson taught to us through a love story, in a world where we continue to find ways to make it easier for us to connect with one another, but always results in us spending more time alone.”

Definitely makes you think. This is worth watching… or you can read my transcription here.